Brittany’s Rules to Live By

I was feeling pretty inspirational when I wrote this blog post. As if this would be the most innovative and actually helpful blog post I will probably ever write. Over the years I have collected many wisdomous pieces of information from family and friends and decided to compile them in one pro-tip blog post.

1. ---

   Never  cut your own bangs.

2. If you want something from someone, ask for something bigger first.
3. Make your bed every morning and reap that sense of accomplishment for the rest of the  day.
4. If you don’t want to do something, do it badly the first time. It worked for cutting the grass at home!
5. Adulting is best tackled through the buddy system, so grab your bestie and cry about things like credit scores and taxes together.
6. Never crack eggs directly into the other ingredients whilst cooking.
7. Food is *statistically better with sauce on it.                                                                       *And by statistically I mean “In my opinion”
8. Moderation is key. Except with ice cream, more is always better.
9. If all other advice follow “fish”- Fuck It, Shit Happens.

 

This Hot, Hot Heat

Let me set the scene: it it summer, today the temperature is 32, feels like 36. But it doesn’t feel like 36, it feels like I am on the surface of the sun and 5 seconds of being outside I have visible sweat on my face. My tiny air conditioner is running its little heart away trying to keep this girl from dying. Obviously I exaggerate a bit, but it is extremely hot. And unfortunately if you are someone around me you’ll be lucky enough to hear me complain about the weather from one extreme to the other as if I don’t expect it each year over.

---

 

At first the heat is welcomed to usher away the cold and allow us to do fun things like the beach and tan.

Getting sand in your trousers gets old quick and so does the heat, because unfortunately “the heat” isn’t a legitimate reason to not go to work.

So life carries despite your dread for the sun and sweat.

You never thought it could get hotter, and then a heat wave hits and you want to move North. (I never thought I would say that)

The forecast says rain so you assume it will cool down, but no! The rain boils and creates hell on Earth the following day.

 

Bad-hair days begin to just be “hair days” as the heat continues.

You begin to wish it was winter again. Or at least fall. But unfortunately, it’s only July and you are out of patience and SPF.

You can find me huddled inside, between my fan and my A/C unit patiently waiting for overcast and leggings to come back.

 

The Stages of Getting a Haircut

Over the course of my life, I feel as though I have made very few large decisions. However, when it came to cutting 5 1/2 inches off, the decision happened so quickly I barely remember the process. Even though it would seem I regret my decision to cut my hair, I actually really love it and am happy that I decided to chop it off. However, the process was a real roller coaster that I feel others could relate to so I thought I would share it with y’all today.

---

 

First, you see your hair inspiration.

Then, you get excited and fall into a Pinterest hole of equally cute hairstyles.

Get super excited, you want the haircut so bad you could cut your hair yourself! (but you don’t.)

You sleep on the idea, hoping that sleep will make you forget about the idea all together.

But you wake up just as excited as you were the night before.

Adrenaline rushing, you make the appointment, as soon as they have time of course.

Sitting outside the salon in your car, you debate over whether you are prepared to cut off what you have worked so hard for.

The next thing you know you are in the chair and the hairdresser is working away.

She shows you the job she has done, it is too late now.

And it is a little shorter than you’d hoped…

But hair grows back right?

You stare at your new do’. Your already large head looks to be ballooning with this haircut.

You head home, calculating how long it will take to grow back the 5 inches you had snipped. (too long)

You finally come to enjoy your new hair style when you find a new style you want, and the process starts all over again.

 

 

 

 

 

Life Hacks From A Lazy Girl

I am the most lazy person I have ever met. But that is probably because I am too lazy to look. I believe my laziness has really streamlined my life. I would never do more needed and have found the quickest way to accomplish everything. These life hacks are tried and true, but are also super unnecessary.

---

Multitasking. and by that I mean check your emails while your on the ‘loo so you don’t have to set aside time later.

“Phone a Friend”. There are certain things in life you probably don’t want to do, but don’t fret! That is what friends are for! Those beautiful idiots are there to help you as long as you help them. So hold the door open for them, and then ask them to do your taxes. #winning

Invite People Over. This works for multiple reasons, first of all you don’t have to get dressed, and second of all you don’t have to leave your house. But you can also ask them to bring snacks (refer to the previous hack).

Dry Shampoo. On the off chance you must leave the house, dry shampoo is a savior. It can add volume to that second day hair, or mask the grease to that “is-it-wet-or-unclean” hair.

Sleep-in. Trick your body into thinking it got more sleep by setting your alarm 10-30 minutes earlier than normal. This way you can fake sleeping in, even though your body almost always through that illusion.

Make your Bed. While you are still inside of it. If your still tired, you can fall back asleep like this, if not, you can shimmy out of your now-made bed and consider your daily workout complete!

Desert Plants. Don’t believe that Buzzfeed bullshit that promotes air plants. Those bastards are over -priced and die quicker than any other plant I have ever had. Instead, buy desert plants like cactus’ they are like 3$ and will almost always survive that week you forgot to water them.

Got anything lazy hacks to share?